19 Months

 Today the MacDaddy and Grandma celebrate their 54 wedding anniversary. 

Cosmo sure did love to spend time with Grandma and Grandpa.

That's What?

 It's been a crazy few months, finishing strong with a lumpectomy and subsequent R&R.I'll get to the punchline first: Benign.

My journey started in January with a routine Mammogram. I got called back, but wasn't surprised. I had my first Mammogram done when I was 30, after my doctor "felt something" at my yearly exam. That turned out to be "dense."

Fast forward to the call back. Two more Mammograms (12 pictures) and 2 Ultrasounds with the doctor saying, "I cannot rule out cancer."

Next up, a needle biopsy. For the girl afraid of needles, I survived pretty well. In fact, I couldn't even feel the numbing. 48 hours later, the results showed the "mass" or "tumor" (yes, it has been described a number of ways) was benign. 

However, I was told I was being automatically referred to the surgeon and was told they'd explain it to me. 10 days latter I entered the waiting room and was quickly humbled when I saw how many people were waiting to be seen or have treatment.

The surgeon - an old school, matter of fact guy who never used "medical" terms to explain my tumor, essentially told me the tumor was quite large. In fact, it was twice the size of where they get concerned. Additionally, but extremely rare, the biopsy could have been a false negative since they did not remove the entire structure. Could we leave it in and wait and see, yes. But over time, these tumors have been known to show a malignancy. So, it need to come out. Let's be clear, how can you even tell this is a tumor (what you are looking at is the permanent marker - or clip - they placed in my breast after the biopsy so if I were to have surgery, the marker would show the surgeon exactly where he needed to go). 

Two and a half weeks later, I was rolled into an operating room at 12;12 p.m. to remove the tumor (this after my first procedure to insert a wire to connect to the clip so the surgeon's job would be easier - this wss not comfortable and I did have something that resembled a wire hanger sticking out of my breast). 

45 minutes later, the surgeon called my friends to let them know that it all went well and the surgery was by the book (and since he had to initial me just to be double sure he was working on the correct breast). 

I remember looking up at the clock in record and it was 1:10 p.m. Once I stopped crying uncontrollably (guess that was my reaction to the anesthesia), I was able to have a few treat (water, tea, chips, and Oreos). My friends joined me and we left a little more than an hour later. We stopped to get some medicine at the pharmacy (narcotics- which I never ended up taking), got some lunch, and was home by 5 p.m.).

The best news is the pathology came back benign and will only need to have a annual mammogram from here on out.

So let this be a lesson for all of us. Make sure you do your annual check ups and tests. I had no symptoms. Felt nothing. And the only way I knew I had this was because of my Mammogram. 

18 Months

It's been 18 months since I last held Cosmo in my arms. I really miss him.

So much has happened in the past 30 days.

I had to go back to Northwestern for a biopsy (more on that later).

I then got to see Kona's Mom (and EE). She retired from my team last year (can't believe it has almost been a year). Kona has been having seizures and his Mom is worried. 

And, Auntie Kristin came for a visit! Can you believe it? She has not been to Chicago since February 2020, when we saw the Lumineers in concert 2 weeks before lockdown. She came into town for the Natalie Merchant concert (this is the third time we have seen her in Chicago since 2014). We went shopping and I event got her to go out for dinner, albeit outdoor dining. 

Great concert. Great weekend.

17 Months

I can't believe time got away from me this past month, but it has. This picture popped up in my feed today. 7 years ago, I took this picture as Cosmo was laying by my side to help me feel better. I was probably having a migraine due to the change in temperature. 

I would have loved to come home to my little guy today. I needed him. I've been here twice in 2.5 weeks, culminating in a biopsy today (which results will not come back for a few days). 

I'm a tough girl with a whole lot of pain tolerance, but I won't lie. I'm concerned. And this may turn out to be nothing. But if it is, I'll cross that bridge when I get there knowing I have the greatest family and friends in the world, three of whom came to my appointment today knowing they couldn't be with me for the procedure. They just sat in the waiting room - a way to show me they were there for me. 

I spent the weekend reliving my college days. I met up with two of my college roommates and we checked out the old stomping ground. It was great to see them. Two people who knew me before "life" really happened. And two people who still see me as the Sarah they became friends with almost 30 years ago. 

I realized how far I've come in the 25 years since I was in college. I think this potato sums it up well:

16 Months

 16 Months. I decided to take a look back to 15 years ago this week to see what Cosmo and I were up to. 15 years ago I was in Las Vegas enjoying March Madness and the first round of the NCAA tournament. Cosmo, he was hanging out with his friends at daycare and Auntie Vicki (his favorite). 

Cosmo, 15 years ago this week.

15 Months

 I was just talking to Cosmo's Grandma saying that today has been 15 months since he crossed the rainbow bridge. Grandma has been going through the photo books I made for her and Grandpa of Cosmo and me. Grandma gets really emotional talking about Cosmo. She misses him so much (I do to).

14 Months

My sweet baby boy has not been by my side for 14 months. I did spend a lot of time talking about him yesterday. I met up with a friend from high school, who I had not seen in 25+ years, She asked me about Cosmo and was surprised I had not yet brought home a new dog. She did say - he lived quite the life - and he sure did.

And then I went to celebrate Christian's birthday and Nella brought me a gift.

Nella knew it was 14 months to the day that Cosmo had passed. 

Now I can plant these seeds and Cosmo will always be with me.