I've been digging through some old files lately in an effort to remind myself that I am a capable human being. I ran across a "draft" post for Cosmo's blog.
"Mommy has had a rough few months and it could be argued a rough couple of years. Ever the optimist, she truly believes that anything is possible and that she can accomplish anything she sets her mind to. But along her journey she’s encountered obstacles. Circumstances she couldn’t control. People she trusted who turned out to be people she should have run away from. Made decisions others would regret. To say the summer has been difficult would be a massive understatement.
I’ve spent more time with my Mom in the past 90 days than I have in the nine years I’ve been on this planet. And in that time I’ve gotten to see the side of her many rarely do. She has doubts. She questions her decisions. She asks herself the tough questions. She wonders why those who profess to be acting in her best interest do the exact opposite. Yet through it all – much like when she went through the divorce – she got out of bed every single day. She worked as she always has. But this time, she made time to actually live her life. She spent time with new friends. She spent precious time with dear friends. She tried new things. She spent a summer with her sister (I think they both needed each other’s company regardless of how much they get on each other’s nerves). And above all else, she took care of me.
We spent the summer connecting in a way we hadn’t in the past nine years. I learned her habits and she learned mine. I didn’t have to spend all of my time right next to her (as I always have) because I knew she was going to stay for a while. She got me new things, comfy things, to help ease my fear of the refrigerator monster. She took me places I’ve never been (I got to see a Deer for the first time in my life) and tried new treats (my favorite being prosciutto).
But in reality, I have been taking care of her. I've been right by her side in the moments of doubt. It's the least I could do for her. She puts all others above herself and her needs. She is a rare gem. She is special .I wouldn't want anyone else by my side in a moment of doubt. Why? Because through all the adversity, she remains confident anything can be done."
Aa I read this "post" I realized I've been trying to manage through all personal and professional challenges I've been confronted with without Cosmo by my side. He was right, he was really taking care of me. He provided stability when I had none. He gave me the confidence when everyone and everything around me was trying to take it from me. He made me feel loved when all I was experiencing was hate.
I sure wish Cosmo was by my side this month. A challenging one to say the least. May is brain tumor awareness month. Auntie Linda might say she went all out for the month and got herself a brain tumor as a way to keep it light. But in all seriousness, Auntie Linda was diagnosed with a brain tumor this month. She had it removed within a week of her diagnosis (it was the size of a softball). The tumor didn't turn out to be exactly what we thought it would be, but she'll tackle radiation like the bad ass she is. While I know she would have wanted Talulah with her, I'm confident Cosmo has been keeping Talulah company and both are watching over her today to make sure she gets back to herself in no time.
Before: Right; After: Left
Our pets bring us so much joy and I often think it is because they provide the unconditional love we all desire and speak of, but so rarely experience. I sure do miss Cosmo.
PSA: Don't ignore headaches and fatigue!
