18 Months

It's been 18 months since I last held Cosmo in my arms. I really miss him.

So much has happened in the past 30 days.

I had to go back to Northwestern for a biopsy (more on that later).

I then got to see Kona's Mom (and EE). She retired from my team last year (can't believe it has almost been a year). Kona has been having seizures and his Mom is worried. 

And, Auntie Kristin came for a visit! Can you believe it? She has not been to Chicago since February 2020, when we saw the Lumineers in concert 2 weeks before lockdown. She came into town for the Natalie Merchant concert (this is the third time we have seen her in Chicago since 2014). We went shopping and I event got her to go out for dinner, albeit outdoor dining. 

Great concert. Great weekend.

17 Months

I can't believe time got away from me this past month, but it has. This picture popped up in my feed today. 7 years ago, I took this picture as Cosmo was laying by my side to help me feel better. I was probably having a migraine due to the change in temperature. 

I would have loved to come home to my little guy today. I needed him. I've been here twice in 2.5 weeks, culminating in a biopsy today (which results will not come back for a few days). 

I'm a tough girl with a whole lot of pain tolerance, but I won't lie. I'm concerned. And this may turn out to be nothing. But if it is, I'll cross that bridge when I get there knowing I have the greatest family and friends in the world, three of whom came to my appointment today knowing they couldn't be with me for the procedure. They just sat in the waiting room - a way to show me they were there for me. 

I spent the weekend reliving my college days. I met up with two of my college roommates and we checked out the old stomping ground. It was great to see them. Two people who knew me before "life" really happened. And two people who still see me as the Sarah they became friends with almost 30 years ago. 

I realized how far I've come in the 25 years since I was in college. I think this potato sums it up well:

16 Months

 16 Months. I decided to take a look back to 15 years ago this week to see what Cosmo and I were up to. 15 years ago I was in Las Vegas enjoying March Madness and the first round of the NCAA tournament. Cosmo, he was hanging out with his friends at daycare and Auntie Vicki (his favorite). 

Cosmo, 15 years ago this week.

15 Months

 I was just talking to Cosmo's Grandma saying that today has been 15 months since he crossed the rainbow bridge. Grandma has been going through the photo books I made for her and Grandpa of Cosmo and me. Grandma gets really emotional talking about Cosmo. She misses him so much (I do to).

14 Months

My sweet baby boy has not been by my side for 14 months. I did spend a lot of time talking about him yesterday. I met up with a friend from high school, who I had not seen in 25+ years, She asked me about Cosmo and was surprised I had not yet brought home a new dog. She did say - he lived quite the life - and he sure did.

And then I went to celebrate Christian's birthday and Nella brought me a gift.

Nella knew it was 14 months to the day that Cosmo had passed. 

Now I can plant these seeds and Cosmo will always be with me.

13 Months

This time of year is incredibly difficult as I always enjoyed the holiday season with Cosmo. This is the second year that Cosmo will not be by my side on the ride to my sister's house or wearing our matching headgear. I carry on with the traditions and hope that Cosmo, Jackson Hareing, and FAQ keep the same ones as they spend the holidays together. 

One Year

 It's been a year since heaven gained an angel and my heart broke into a million pieces. 

It seem unreal that it has been a year. It seems like yesterday that I was sitting on the couch, cradling Cosmo and recounting all the times we had together. You know, when I was going through my divorce ny Dad called me and told me that I had to get up and walk Cosmo every day. And I thought to myself, of course I already do that. But what he was really saying was I know it will be even tough to do that, but you must. And I did without realizing what that was doing for me. I realized it only when I didn't have Cosmo to walk any more. And man, there are days when it has been taught getting out of bed this past year. 

I've missed everything about Cosmo. I miss him greeting me at the door when I get home from work. I miss him flying off the couch and run to bed when I say let's go night, night. I missed talking to him and him listening to me when I'm upset about something. I miss him changing the sheets with me. I mostly miss our evening walks.

I've begun imagining a life with a new puppy, but I'm not quite there yet. One day, maybe. Until then, I'll say goodnight to Cosmo each night and look for him when I wake in the morning.